Guys put off dating for life
Like your image, your self-confidence, and your willingness to work just a little harder to win over the person you want.
I've never known anyone to say, "Ewww, he/she has braces, I'd never consider dating him/her." And if anyone DOES say or think that, just tattoo a big L on their foreheads, because they are shallow losers -- and you wouldn't want to date them anyway! The little girl in Finding Nemo is the perfect example -- slightly ugly, nerdy and mean.
For instance, it's easier and more "masculine" for us to talk about the great sex we had rather than describe the great conversation afterward.
So, a woman ends up knowing the male script, but not the man.
I can’t go into as much depth as I’d like to in this post, but men and women have different senses of how they’d like to be noticed for things (and what they’d like to be noticed for.) At the root of it, when a man feels like he make a woman happy, he will not want to be in a relationship with her (or if he stays, he will not want to deepen it). Back to neediness: When a woman starts acting needy, especially in the beginning of a relationship, it shows up as the ultimate red flag. Neediness is synonymous with ’emotional dependency’, as in: “This woman is dependent on the guy in order for her to feel good.” Now, sometimes when I start explaining this, I’ll get a comment saying, “Oh so what? You can have it all, too, but what I’m trying to explain in this article is that you don’t get it from it.
On the other hand, when a woman acknowledges him for all the things he’s doing well, he will almost certainly want to deepen the relationship and stay in it. We’re supposed to be emotional robots with no feelings or desires and just accept anything a guy is doing without complaint? You create a relationship with those qualities by inspiring those things within the relationship.
So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, to point fingers. ” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call? Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… I would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. Well, when a woman starts down this chain of “Why didn’t you…” it feels to a guy as if she isn’t noticing all of the other things he is doing for a relationship. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a relationship with all the good qualities: connection, chemistry, understanding, intimacy, attentiveness and on and on.
But here's the single biggest thing women don't get about men: Masculinity is a complicated performance we agree to in order to be seen as men.
Especially not about girlish things, like if those jeans show off our assets.
But the truth is, men enjoy a little well-intentioned objectification.
Put simply, a needy person doesn’t feel good inside and then saddles the other person with the responsibility to make them feel better… whoops, “my battery died, sorry I didn’t call you back last night.” Nobody’s perfect. When you boil it all down, neediness is not some set of behaviors. When a person takes on the belief that another person is responsible for their happiness, their sense of well-being and their sense of self-esteem, then it’s guaranteed that they’re going to act needy as a result of that mindset.
(FYI, we have a whole chapter on this in our new book “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want“) Even the kindest, most well-meaning, most empathetic guy won’t be able to satisfy a woman who acts needy the majority of the time. I would be pretty surprised if you never had a needy guy around you. Making someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating a toxic relationship type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you).
Perhaps this is because women have other factors at work -- and that teenage cheerleader look isn't always a bad thing when it comes to attracting men.